i dont get..

why me and michael dont talk anymore, we havent hungout in like forever. and he never even text anymore. we totally drifted away from eachother it makes me really sad, cause i invite him to all my plans but he never even talks to me anymore. sometimes i feel like he uses me because i spend so much for him and doesnt seem like i get anything in return. im not asking for him to pay me back. but like understand that i do all these things for him cause hes my best friend. and it seems not enough for him? idk but i really hate it.

being at school

early sucks cause I feel like I cant do anything but my homework.. not like thats a bad thing.. So I noticed that I talk about this one kid a lot on my blogs.. Wow not gnna do that anymore.. Seems alittle too obvious. this weekend has been way too dramatic I dont really want to talk about it yet sorry havin been keepin you posted!

ttyn

hahahhaha

Homecoming

Was a lot of fun, at the same time I felt sad the whole time. I really did wish Michael went.
He is one of my best friends and he understands me so well. I hate how we fight all the time. I honestly sometimes dont even know why we do. It drives me insane sometimes thinking about how much we always fight about the stupidest things, but then again I feel like after we sort of get closer. In a way. Hah. I dont know what to think.

Last night..
I really didnt mean to just leave like that, but what pissed me off the most was when I went to dinner with a couple of my friends at Sushi Domo. One of my friends decide to be a dick and acts all cheap wanting me to pay for the whole meal and bitching to me about it. I mean seriously? How rude is that. We all go to dinner together and he expects me to do everything. IF this ever ended up being 'more than just friends' thing, Im I supposed to be the god damn man in the relationship. It was pathetic. And it made me furious. And thats why I left it at that. And went with Jimmy. I felt bad but at the same time I didnt care. Because Im tired of people expecting me to pay for everything all the fucking time like I always have fucking money. I dont want fake friends like that, that use me for money. So if you are one of those people. Leave me the fuck alone.

About the person I like? Ugg, Just gonna get over it. He cant be anymore of a jerk to me. I dont want to give him the present anymore.

no bday present for you. >:/

wow...

So Greg pissed me off big time today. He was acting like such a jerk about the whole Joel thing. And it drove me insane. I hate him.


gotta go eat dinner byee

Gregs Bday

I just wrote a really long blog, and it got deleted. I am not very angry.

I do not want to repeat everything I just said. So Yeh.
Today is Sunday.
Happy Birfday Greg.
I work today.
suck ballz.

bye

i dont get it

Why do they all think of me as there 'sister'??? It doesnt make sense. And I hate being in the position where I like someone but they only like you as a friend. Even though its better than totally losing the person, It still sucks.

I sort of like this guy but he just told me that he thinks of me as a sister?! I mean wtf. What am I supposed to do then? What are people really supposed to do when they fucking hear that. Ughhh. This has been an annpying day. And on top of that My dad has been acting like a total ass hole to me just because I went out to eat with some friends. Ugh.

And then Michael has to go out of freaking town again with his Dad, I miss Michael. :(

chillen

Chillen with G and J last night, it was fun we gave eachother back massages and everything. tehehe. :D So I have a thing for this guy, Im not sure what to do about it though cause we both sort of just got over our last relationship. I dont think he knows I like him either. But we've been talking a lot lately and its been a lot of fun. :]

I also sort of just fought with M today it was dumb. He can piss me off so easily sometimes but I get over it. Sometimes I feel like he's attacking me with the stupid stuff he says. But I ATTACK back. Haha, Im sort of over with the drama with people I try not to start anything. And if it gets to the point where Im mad I just ignore them a bit until I cool off.

You know what I hate the most? One-word replies. they are so annoying. And it seems like the person doesnt care enough or is just too LOW maintance. Hah. Its my pet peeve.

I was supposed to go to J's game today but I ended up not going and half of my plans got cancelled today somehow.. Which sucks since I got the day off just to be with my friends. Now Im stuck at home. I think I might go out soon though cause Im really not in the mood to be home.

Kk. Im OUT. ;D

dont give a fuck

why are people so jelous? talking shit about me 24/7 its like there number one priority to try to make me look bad, i mean god dayum how much rumors are they gonna keep bringin up? dont they have anything better to do?

haha AVI-ously not.

got a problem wit me?

say it to my face motha fuckaas.

hehe ;)

post later! im hungry.

todays breakfast

Starts off with a bowl full of emotions. Haha, how else do I put it. Why do people always think about the past even though it hurts? I dont understand why you have to spend half the day regreting about everything. Why cant people just really move on and be happy. Is it so hard to forget about relationships?
I've never really felt so hurt before. I can barely look at myself in the mirror without thinking. What went wrong. I definatly do not want to rush into any relationships right now, but it would be nice to have someone around again. But what if the someone I want around is a definate 'no no'. What do you do then?

Some nights I would lay in my bath tub listening to sad korean songs and just dwell, its what im good at. I dont know what else to do. I miss being really happy. And not faking it..

fuck it

I hungout with San last night, We had such a good time smokin, drinkin, and eating :D
I miss hanging out with all of my old friends and knowing that we can't go back to what used to be anymore because of the decisions that has been made, But knowing that I still had them around were great. I miss them all. A couple of stupid things happened last night that I dont even want to think about.. I felt like I should've takin more responsibility in what happened. But you know what?
Fuck it. I am done with trying to fix everything. Im done with it all. Why am I supposed to always be the one to have to apologize first? Or the one who just has to give in? Its to the point where I just dont care anymore. I shouldnt give a damn about a douche bag like that anyways.


I'm glad I had someone.. there for me last night tho, I dont know what I would do without him. He made me realize a lot.

I dont want to deal with anymore drama that has to do with the past. So starting today. Im telling myself just to say 'fuck it' to everything.

It was over. So let it be over.

Fun Friday

Hmmm, big day today. I have to go shopping for my homecoming dress and I also work half the day.. How exciting.. Anyways I started talking to my old friend again, Im so glad he said Hi. I thought that just because a relationship ended we couldnt be friends. But I geuss not :D
I am probably going out to hangout with Bryant today. And then tonight we are gonna go out for dinner together! Woo. Our first date. haha. I've been craving to shop lately. Dont know if I can last any longer.. Haha. Anyways I better get started on my paperwork or my dad will shank me. -.-

Today

Today was FUN. I hungout with someone... and I think that person is really cool, We went to the library and like talked for a really long time. That person is such a funny guy. I dont want to say who it is because the 'other' someone might be mad at me.

Been too long...

...Since the last time I posted, So yesterday I got in huge trouble for studying late at night.. WTF? Right.. My parents are wierd. When I finally focus on school they never want to believe it. Ugg. Anyways today wasnt as bad as I thought it'd be.. Wednesday is what I call "Hell Day" Because I always have such a busy schedule it almost makes me depressed. Right when I get out of my third period I have to go straight to the restaurant to help my dad with a lot of paperwork for taxes and shit. And then I have piano lessons, then Night School.. then dance. I didnt go today though because I have to study for the PSATS. Today... I geuss really wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. I finally found a date for Homecoming lol. Not like I would care going on my own. Its fun either way. :D But Im going with Jonny Kim;; Hehe. its gonna be cute.
During History today all I did was talk to Greg as usual I never really listen to Mr. Washburn now that I think of it. All he does in class is talk talk talk. Barely even take notes. But I geuss Im not doing too bad in that class.

Uhh. My mom is reading over my shoulders. Post later!

School tomorrow

I am so not looking foward to it, I have so much to stress about with last week finals for progress report. EW. And a couple missing assignments. Can school suck anymore than it already has? I mean seriously I was hoping junior year would be the year.. Like fun stuff, haha what was I thinking.
Anyways I geuss the weekends arent so bad. I ve been doing a lot of fun stuff with Michael >.<>

I just uploaded new songs on my ipod im excited. :D

Last Night

Hungout with him.. :] It was a lot of fun, we went to Sharis like what we used to do like old times and got hella food. We would sit for ours and talk about everything that happened in the past. Its funny how things work out. Who would've known that I would be back here sitting talking to him I can't exactly tell you who that one person is but I can say that he keeps me sane. Haha, I feel like I could talk about anything to him and all he would do is sit just there and really listen. Its nice to have someone listen to me for a change..


My day today pretty much sucks tho, not much plans except for an amazingly unbelievable amount of paperwork.. better get started!
Post Later.

:)

Work

I hate working for my dad! He makes me so angry with his little anger problems. I hate how all the people that was supposed to freakin call me to hangout today never did. I am very dissapointed. I want a new job. Lets go job searching. :X

Remembering You.

Sometimes I feel wierd thinking about all those times we spent together... And I wonder, will anything ever be the same for me again? I spend so much more time worrying about this crap then anything. It gets to me sometimes. When I'm in my bedroom alone late at night. I start to ponder about what used to be. How could someone just forget? We had a hard relationship. It really was like I was in a movie or something. Parents hating eachother, school never working out, work drama, and our social life being ruind. Everybody says that you learn from the mistakes you made and know never to do them again. But how come I feel like I can still change things sometimes? Is it wrong to think that? That maybe somehow in this remotely bizarre world of mine...I can actually change what happened in the past? And what if I can? What would I change, what wouldn't I change. There are so many things in my young life that I already regret, and I also think that I learned a lot from it. But maybe not enough. Remembering you is the most stressful yet, touching times I have. Sometimes they make me smile...And others they make me fall apart. But from all that has happened in the past? I know that I would rather be hurt my all the painful and beautiful memories...then not have any of them at all.