Not enough time

Life is short, There are so many things I want to do but I don't think there is enough time to do it. Last night I heard something really tragic happen to someone in my past. What do I do? What do I say? There are so many things going through my mind right now that I can't even function.

I say to myself, "be strong" but what does that really do? Everything seems to be going down hill again.. Or maybe it's just me. The old memories are coming back again and now I'm stuck, confused, ??? Va, I miss you. You've always been mean to me but that's okay. Because I know deep down in your heart how you really felt. I am worried about. Whether it's in my place to care or not. I wish you were still around for me just to say a few more things to you. There's so many things left unsaid.

Why do I think of you more and more, Is it just cause I feel bad? The looks you give me shiver down my spine. Does it really have to end like this? My mind is in the past while I'm still here in the present. I just need space.

Alittle lesson learned.

I don't write blogs often anymore, when I normally do it's because I have had an emotional wreck or I need to get something off my chest.
This is one of those things.

I understand falling for someone. Trust me, I do. I've fallen so hard for someone I feel like I could never get back up again to the way I was. I've had the feelings you had, I've felt the love you felt, and I loved like no other. But in the end, know that friends will always be here for you no matter what. Don't lose your friendships with what could not last. I felt like all the dramatic and stupid things that has happened to me...it made me feel strong at times, strong that I can still go on knowing my life wont ever be the same. At the same time I feel weaker than I have ever been. No longer with him.

In the end, just know that relationships can't be your world. You cannot be revolved around something that wont be there all the time for you.

There are reasons I am the way that I am in front of her, and there are reasons you are the way you are in front of him. I understand that completely. Don't forget what she has said to you before. The words that hurt you so badly, and they hurt me as well. Knowing my bestfriend deserves better. But for you I was going to try to make things work too, just like what you have done for me. I might not be the best at hiding the way I feel about people like you do, but I will certaintly try.

And another thing, we argue non-stop. I am tired of all of it.
I said I will always be there for you, and I always have been. For EVERYTHING.

But I am not always gonna take all this bullshit.

--"wind"

What I say to that blog?

Deal.

i dont get..

why me and michael dont talk anymore, we havent hungout in like forever. and he never even text anymore. we totally drifted away from eachother it makes me really sad, cause i invite him to all my plans but he never even talks to me anymore. sometimes i feel like he uses me because i spend so much for him and doesnt seem like i get anything in return. im not asking for him to pay me back. but like understand that i do all these things for him cause hes my best friend. and it seems not enough for him? idk but i really hate it.

being at school

early sucks cause I feel like I cant do anything but my homework.. not like thats a bad thing.. So I noticed that I talk about this one kid a lot on my blogs.. Wow not gnna do that anymore.. Seems alittle too obvious. this weekend has been way too dramatic I dont really want to talk about it yet sorry havin been keepin you posted!

ttyn

hahahhaha

Homecoming

Was a lot of fun, at the same time I felt sad the whole time. I really did wish Michael went.
He is one of my best friends and he understands me so well. I hate how we fight all the time. I honestly sometimes dont even know why we do. It drives me insane sometimes thinking about how much we always fight about the stupidest things, but then again I feel like after we sort of get closer. In a way. Hah. I dont know what to think.

Last night..
I really didnt mean to just leave like that, but what pissed me off the most was when I went to dinner with a couple of my friends at Sushi Domo. One of my friends decide to be a dick and acts all cheap wanting me to pay for the whole meal and bitching to me about it. I mean seriously? How rude is that. We all go to dinner together and he expects me to do everything. IF this ever ended up being 'more than just friends' thing, Im I supposed to be the god damn man in the relationship. It was pathetic. And it made me furious. And thats why I left it at that. And went with Jimmy. I felt bad but at the same time I didnt care. Because Im tired of people expecting me to pay for everything all the fucking time like I always have fucking money. I dont want fake friends like that, that use me for money. So if you are one of those people. Leave me the fuck alone.

About the person I like? Ugg, Just gonna get over it. He cant be anymore of a jerk to me. I dont want to give him the present anymore.

no bday present for you. >:/

wow...

So Greg pissed me off big time today. He was acting like such a jerk about the whole Joel thing. And it drove me insane. I hate him.


gotta go eat dinner byee

Gregs Bday

I just wrote a really long blog, and it got deleted. I am not very angry.

I do not want to repeat everything I just said. So Yeh.
Today is Sunday.
Happy Birfday Greg.
I work today.
suck ballz.

bye